THE JOY OF TRAVEL

(Originally Published in Biscayne Boulevard Times. January 2005.)

I am passionate traveler who will find any excuse to visit new places and have new adventures. Whether it is hiking in the red rock dessert of Arizona, camping in the bush of South Africa, or snorkeling in the Red Sea, I find inspiration and excitement wherever I go. Like many Americans, I am planning a winter vacation to get away from the work and stress of ordinary life. Health and wellness are an important part of what I am looking for in my travel experience. Just like you, I want to come back from my trip feeling better than when I left.

There are many ways to find wellness on your winter vacation. The following is a list of travel ideas that come from my own experience as a person seeking personal growth and piece of mind.

1. Go on a retreat. 
Nothing soothes the body, mind and spirit like a retreat in a beautiful setting. On a retreat, you get back to basics and enjoy the simple abundance of life. You can choose to participate in yoga classes, learn the art of meditation, or connect with your personal spiritual community. Kashi Center, a lovely interfaith retreat center located in South Florida, offers retreats all-year round.

2. Visit sacred sites. 
Some of the most inspiring moments in life happen at sacred sites. Places like Machu Picchu in Peru and the pyramids in Egypt have attracted pilgrims for thousands of years. You will be forever changed by stepping back in time when the world was filled with magic and mystery. Body Mind Spirit Journeys offers affordable and exciting packages to sacred sites all over the world.

3. Attend a workshop, conference or seminar. 
Several excellent institutes like Omega in New York and Esalen in California offer personal growth vacations that will help you improve your life. With a range of topics from personal relationships to spiritual development, you can choose to spend your winter holiday focusing on the things that matter most to you.

4. Indulge in Nature. 
Biking, hiking, skiing, rafting and swimming are just some of the endless opportunities that nature has to offer. Whether you enjoy quiet walks in the forest or climbing up mountains, indulging in nature helps you appreciate this amazing planet on which we all live. For an awesome outdoor adventure that is not too far from home, try a visit to the beautiful North Carolina Mountains.

5. Treat yourself to a Spa. 
Try massage, aromatherapy, reflexology or any of the terrific treatments designed to help you unwind and let go of your stress. Whether you just want to pamper yourself or you want to release all of the tension and toxins from your body, a spa is a great place to find wellness. For an inexpensive and local favorite, try the Russian and Turkish Baths. If you want something more exclusive, Canyon Ranch has spas in Florida, Utah and Vegas.

It’s not only where you go on your winter vacation but also how you go that will determine how much you enjoy your trip. There are several things I recommend that you try on your vacation. Try traveling alone instead of with someone else. This will give you the essential time and space needed to nurture the relationship you have with yourself. Keep a journal of your experiences. Writing is a great way to learn about ourselves and share our stories with others. Get out of your comfort zone and do something that frightens you. Challenges help you grow as a person. This could be anything from talking to a stranger to jumping out of a plane. Set a positive intention everyday so that you can manifest all the things you want on your trip. If you haven’t heard already, intention is the most powerful tool we have to create the life we want.

I also suggest that you don’t do the following things. Don’t bring cell phones, pagers, laptops, or other things that will distract you from being in the present moment. Once you get over the initial withdrawal of all your electronics, you will find so much freedom and happiness in their absence. Don’t be a tourist – be a pilgrim. You can visit all the sites and take all the tours without being a tourist. Pilgrims visit places with respect and reverence and look for the deeper meaning in the history, energy and significance of the place. Don’t be logical and structured for your entire vacation. If you are very organized person, try a little chaos and spontaneity. We have the best adventures when we get lost and need to follow our intuition to find our way. Finally, don’t limit yourself. Follow your passion and bliss wherever they lead. Wellness always resides in the place where we have the most joy and fun in our life.

THE POWER OF KUNDALINI

(Originally Published in Biscayne Boulevard Times. December 2004)

If you’re like me, you have tried yoga and meditation a few times and never succeeded in making it a long-term commitment. You may have attended a yoga class and watched as others effortlessly moved into awkward positions while you struggled and sweated to do the same. When you tried to meditate, perhaps you sat still for ten minutes without your mind racing, but then you remembered something you forgot to do and you were up and out of your lotus pose to get it done.

We’ve read about the benefits of these practices in health magazines and books, so why is it so difficult for us to do them? For many years, I was beating myself up thinking I didn’t have the will power or the dedication it required to do yoga and meditation. I visited many different teachers in several types of locations and never found the experience I was looking for. I just assumed that those practices were not for me.

All of my confusion and hopelessness vanished, however, after one session of Kundalini yoga with Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa from Golden Bridge Yoga in Los Angeles, CA. Gurmukh presented several workshops at the OMEGA Inspiration Conference in Miami from October 29-31, 2004. For nearly three decades students around the world have sought her classes in Kundalini yoga, meditation, and pre- and post-natal care.

Kundalini yoga, unlike other forms of yoga, is a very movement-oriented practice with a lot of waving of arms, jumping up and down and shaking all over. Sine the practice is done with your eyes closed, you can make a total fool out of yourself and no one can see you do it. The movements are specifically designed to help you ‘move’ all the toxins out of your body and push through any resistance or blocks you are facing in your life.

Although it sounds like just another intellectual explanation of how yoga works, detoxifying your body before you try to meditate actually turns out to be the most significant missing piece for me in the meditation puzzle. Many forms of toxins, including muscle tension, negative thinking, heavy metals, alcohol, drugs, and so on, are stored in your body. The more toxic you are the more you will struggle with a restless mind, a stiff body and unpleasant emotions.

During the Kundalini yoga, I could see and feel the toxins in my body with total clarity. The movements brought up all my resistance, fears, emotions and stress just as Gurmukh promised. I realized that the toxins in my body kept me stuck in the same negative patterns and prevented me from achieving the peace of mind I desired. The movements, however, helped me to release those toxins and push through to a place of serenity and well-being.

After I finished the practice, my mind was still and I could finally meditate. The yoga experience created a clear purified internal environment for me. When I looked around, it was as if a wasteland of barren land had been transformed into beautiful Japanese gardens. I felt like I had a new body and a fresh new reservoir of creativity and beauty within me.

This experience of Kundalini yoga helped me to discover that only after you have detoxified what you already carry in your body-mind-spirit can you commit to stop repeating old behaviors and fill yourself with love instead. This includes food, habits, people, thoughts, addictions, environment and more. Practicing this amazing technique, has given me a renewed sense of commitment to keep my inner space clean and protected and inspired me to become a vegetarian.

If you are still searching for a practice to help you release tension, calm your mind and enhance your creativity, give Kundalini yoga a try. It may surprise you as much as it surprised me.

For more information about Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa, please visit her website at www.goldenbridgeyoga.com. She has an excellent video about Kundalini Yoga available for purchase on her site.

Bad Food, Good Food

(Originally Published in Biscayne Boulevard Times. November 2004)

Do you struggle with deciding what foods are best to eat? Do you have difficulty making decisions about what to prepare at home or what to order in a restaurant? Do you get conflicting information from friends, family, the media and health professionals about diet and nutrition? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. Many people are confused about how maintain a healthy diet without spending too much time or effort researching, selecting, preparing and ordering food.

My personal commitment to a healthy diet began 12 months ago when I visited a nutritionist and had a full evaluation of my eating habits. This procedure included a detailed questionnaire, a diet log and several tests including hair analysis, blood analysis and urine analysis. Following the interpretation of my tests, I was educated about what my body needs to reach optimum health and given a detailed prescription for food, supplements and eating habits.

There has been huge transformation in my body and my life since I committed to following a healthy diet specifically designed for me. I have more energy and clarity, and fewer headaches, stomachaches and other annoying symptoms. In the following table, I will share with you some of the things that I learned. Before starting a new diet, speak with your physician and have an evaluation with your nutritionist.

Instead of This….	Try This….
Sugar in the form of sweets, candy, sugar drinks and pastries.	Fresh Fruit especially grapefruit enhances the absorption of everything we eat and also increases the effectiveness of our stress hormones.
Caffeine in the form of coffee or soda.	Water or Herbal Tea enhances digestion, circulation and detoxification.
Cow’s Milk and other dairy products.	Coconut Milk is beneficial for cholesterol, blood sugar, digestion and metabolism.
Fried food like chicken fingers, French fries and other greasy meals.	Fresh Vegetables like avocado and tomatoes give us many of the essential vitamins and nutrients we need. Beans are high in protein and help us maintain a healthy digestive tract.
Packaged goods like potato chips and other snacks.	Nuts, seeds and Trail Mix give us a healthy boost and stop those ‘crashes’ throughout the day.
Processed meats like bologna, salami and hot dogs.	Grilled Chicken and Turkey give us lots of protein essential for building new muscle.
Wheat and White bread.	Rye or Brown rice bread are good substitutes and don’t cause as many absorption and allergy problems.
Bagels and Muffins for breakfast.	Eggs are a great source of protein, minerals and B-vitamins. Oatmeal (plain) is good substitute for other sugary breakfasts.
Pasta made from white flour.	Fish (especially deep-sea fish) are rich in protein, minerals and essential fatty acids.
Energy Bars and Protein Bars with high sugar and dairy content.	Brown Rice Protein Powder is high in protein and has no dairy, and little or no sugar.

In addition to selecting the right foods, it is important to eat every few hours. You should not skip meals or rely on adrenaline, sugar or caffeine for energy. You will deplete the natural resources of your body and cause long term damage if you are not fueling your body properly. This abuse can lead to diabetes, hypoglycemia and other medical problems.

Diet and lifestyle are the most important elements in the prevention and treatment of disease. Understanding nutrition and the importance of food is essential to maintaining a healthy body, mind and spirit. Eating right fosters a healthy metabolism, creates sustained energy and helps you feel balanced throughout the day. Take good care of your body and you will not only feel better now but you will live a longer and healthier life.

For more information about great diet suggestions, check out The Diet Cure by Julia Ross. She offers a detailed questionnaire to help you find your diet deficiencies and gives great food, supplement and recipe suggestions.

Antibiotics are not Always the Answer

(Originally Published in Biscayne Boulevard Times. October 2004)

Dear Gabrielle,

My husband has been suffering from chronic pain in his abdomen for the past six months. Because we don’t have health insurance, he has been going to community clinics, where they have drawn blood, conducted multiple ultrasounds and pumped him with two bottles of antibiotics — and still he is in pain. No insurance plus Western medicine’s overuse of antibiotics equal a losing combination, so I am wondering what alternatives are out there for my husband. Where can he go and what can he do to really get at the root of what’s going on in his body and mind? Secondly, what can I do to be supportive to him during this time while maintaining my own peace of mind?

Sincerely,
Concerned Wife

Dear Concerned Wife,

Thank you for your letter. I empathize with your frustration and concern for the wellbeing of your husband. Navigating between the worlds of traditional and alternative medicine can be a daunting process sometimes. Let me try to simplify it for you.

There are two things that your husband needs to do in this situation. First, he needs to get a proper diagnosis from a doctor. When I say doctor, I am referring to one of three different kinds of doctors: Medical Doctor (M.D.), Naturopathic Doctor (N.D.) or Doctor of Oriental Medicine (D.O.M). An M.D. will look specifically at the abdomen and run tests to diagnose the problem. An N.D. will look at stress levels, nutrition, environment and physical factors that may be creating an imbalance in the body. The D.O.M. will check the many physical indicators of the body such as meridians, pulses and the tongue to find the illness.

To find the one that’s right for him, I suggest that your husband consults with more than one doctor to discuss his problem. He can find listings of physicians in the phone book and in several online directories. The doctor he chooses should be licensed, certified, and experienced. When he speaks with the doctor he should ask: How long have you been in practice? What experience do you have with specific ailments? and What is your basic philosophy of healing? Since your husband does not have health insurance, he should try to negotiate a flat fee or reduced rate for the examination.

Following the diagnosis, your husband will have to decide what treatment he wants to pursue. Medical Doctors, as you mentioned, will most likely prescribe drugs or surgery. The Naturopathic Doctor will use non-invasive methods including diet, herbs, muscle relaxation and other natural therapies. Acupuncture and herbs will most likely be used by the Doctor of Oriental Medicine to treat the illness. Any or all of the doctors may refer him to other health care professionals such as massage therapists or counselors if they think he needs additional treatment.

It is important that the treatment does not only address the symptoms but also the underlying problem. A quick fix will only lead to larger problems in the long run. This illness is a good opportunity for your husband to look at all of his self-care practices such as diet, exercise, rest and relaxation to determine if any changes need to be made to support the healing of his body. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to stop what we’re doing and make time to take care of our self. It is essential that your husband make himself a priority at this time.

You can support your husband in his healing process in two ways. First, educate yourself about the body. Disease does not have a simple cause but is the result of a complex web of interactions within and outside the individual. Several things contribute to physical pain including nutrition, stress and mental and emotional health. It is our responsibility to learn as much as we can about our bodies so we can choose treatments that are health promoting and risk free.

Secondly, I suggest that you try to approach your husband’s illness with openness and acceptance. Illness is an opportunity to learn something about ourselves and grow as a person. It may be a message from the body-mind-spirit about some essential need that is being neglected. Illness may be an opening of new doors or a start of a new life path. Whatever it may be, resist the temptation to send it negative thoughts and negative energy because you are frustrated by its arrival. Treat it like a guest in your house. Send it all the love and compassion you can generate and it will respond accordingly. Good luck to you and your husband!

Sincerely,
Gabrielle Pelicci, MA, LMT

Energy Balancing and the Chakra System

(Originally Published in Biscayne Boulevard Times. September 2004)

We have all had the experience of visiting a doctor with pain or discomfort only to find that there is no solution for us other than drugs or surgery. If we know that these methods are only treating the symptom and not the underlying problem, we often turn to alternative medicine for answers.

Two of the most popular alternative therapies in American culture are Acupuncture and Yoga. Although they have similar results – relaxation, improved health, and increased energy – Acupuncture and Yoga are actually based on very different philosophies and practices. This article will help you understand the system that serves as the foundation for Yoga and hands-on healing practices such as Reiki and Healing Touch.

Yoga is based on the chakra system which defines the body as an integrative energy system. We have seven major chakras and several smaller ones holding and directing the energy of our body. Imagine for a moment the way that the water looks when it is draining from your bath-tub. It is a spinning vortex that looks somewhat like a hurricane. While the vortex keeps spinning and the water keeps moving, the form stays the same. Not many people can see the chakras, but most healers can feel them with their hands.

Every thing that you do, think, say, desire and feel affects your energy and the chakras. When we are in balance, we do not experience pain or discomfort in our body. We have energy to accomplish the things that we want to accomplish. We feel sharp, clear, competent, happy and peaceful. If we do not have balance, we suffer. We experience pain or discomfort. Our sleeping, eating and other body patterns are disrupted. We may get confused easily, feel our mind racing, and experience worry, anger or fear.

Each chakra has locations, colors, functions, and qualities associated with it. Below is a brief description of each major chakra and its properties. Understanding your chakras helps you better understand your-self. It gives you a new freedom to interpret your symptoms differently and find answers you couldn’t get from the doctor.

1. Root Chakra 
Location: base of the spine
Color: Red
Function: Gives vitality to the physical body; governs legs and bones
Qualities: Matters relating to the physical world, grounding, stability, and security.

2. Sacral Chakra 
Location: Lower abdomen
Color: Orange
Function: Sexuality and Creativity; governs reproductive organs
Qualities: Working harmoniously with others, giving and receiving, healthy emotions and desire

3. Solar Plexus Chakra 
Location: Upper abdomen
Color: Yellow
Function: Governs digestion, metabolism, nervous system, and muscles
Qualities: Personal power and confidence, self-control and self-esteem

4. Heart Chakra 
Location: Center of the chest
Color: Green
Function: Connects higher and lower parts of self, energizes blood circulation; governs arms, hands and lungs
Qualities: Unconditional love, forgiveness, compassion, and openness

5. Throat Chakra 
Location: Throat area
Color: Sky Blue
Function: Speech and communication; governs thyroid, throat and mouth
Qualities: Communication, creative expression, and honesty

6. Third Eye Chakra 
Location: Center of forehead between eyebrows
Color: Dark Blue
Function: The lower brain and nervous system; governs eyes, nose and ears
Qualities: Intuition, insight, imagination, concentration and wisdom

7. Crown Chakra 
Location: Top of the head
Color: Violet
Function: Upper brain
Qualities: Connection to higher power, inspiration, unity, divine wisdom

At the energetic level, the body, mind and spirit are all interconnected. They share a symbiotic relationship and work together to create harmony and balance. In the same way that the plant, animal, mineral and human systems are connected on the Earth, the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual systems are connected in our body. The water feeds the trees, the trees release oxygen, the body takes in oxygen and releases carbon dioxide – all of these things are working together perfectly to create our world. If we neglected even one of these elements, oxygen for example, the whole system would fail to work. The same is true of the body.

The main purpose in working with the chakras is to create integration and wholeness within ourselves. By using techniques such as Yoga, breathing and meditation, we can influence our chakras, our health and our lives. Sometimes, when we are much out-of-balance, we can use an energy healer or some other health professional to help restore balance to the system. The important thing to remember is that making time for these healing activities will significantly improve the quality and length of our lives. The more we work on the body, the better it will work for us.

Love Thyself: The Art of Self-Care

(Originally Published in Abundance Magazine. December 2003)

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to stop what were doing and make time to take care of ourself. Often we put ourself last on the list of priorities. We make ourselves less important than buying groceries, getting an oil change or feeding the dog. It an interesting phenomenon, one that is common practice for many people and has different roots or beginnings. Sometimes poor self-care stems from a lack of self-worth. Often it is pressures from our job, school, family, or friends that keep us distracted and preoccupied.

When we were growing up, we were often told, Use your Head. This leads to an absentmindedness about what our body needs. It also enables us to say completely distracted in the man-made world of words, thought and illusion. I am going to offer you an alternative saying: Use you body wisdom. It may not sound as simple or as catchy as the former phrase, but Use your body wisdom will have a huge impact on the way you love yourself. Your body holds just as much if not more intelligence than your mind. Each cell of your being has a memory and intelligence about who you are and what you need. It is not a mental intelligence. It is body intelligence. It requires that you learn the language of the body, which often comes through as intuition or common sense. It requires that you give the body some affirmative action in your life and allow it to rise from its oppressed state. It may also require that you do things differently than your peers or resist pressures to stay plugged in to the world of the mind all of the time.

In ancient times, people had a very intimate relationship with their bodies and the Earth. They celebrated the changes of the body with rituals and ceremonies. They used drumming and dancing, both very physical activities, to stay connected to the pulse of life. In the absence of machines, the body was also the primary tool of building, growing or creating whatever was needed to survive. A healthy body meant a healthy community and healthy way of lifethis is as true today as it was thousands of years ago. Often when we retreat from our man-made world, we find ourselves going back to these old ways of being. We are drawn to nature and the outdoors. We may go out and tend to the garden or create some artwork with our hands. All of these activities are very healing for our body, mind and spirit.

The art of self-care means making time for these healing activities as well as modifying our day-to-day habits to nourish and nurture the body. You can begin by doing an inventory of all aspects of your life relationships, living situation, personal habits, financial situation and more. Look at how you are fueling your life. In other words, where are you getting the energy to do everything you do? Are you using less than desirable means of fuel, namely adrenaline, sugar and caffeine, to accomplish your goals? Do you need to re-prioritize and find better ways of creating and sustaining energy in your life? Once we learn to listen and respect our body wisdom, we will find that all other aspects of our being will benefit as well.

Emotional Intelligence and Long Term Sobriety

(This article appeared in Recovery Today. November 2008)

Our emotions are the driving force of the events, conditions, and circumstances that we experience in our lives on a daily basis. Emotions determine how each and every one of our life events unfold and are brought into existence. Young adults face formidable challenges in emotional development. To become successful adults, they must learn to read emotion, understand emotion, manage emotion, and effectively use emotion in social interactions. Young adult addicts have the added challenge of learning to manage their disease while trying to master the complexity of adulthood.

The Self-Medication model, which originated in the 1960’s, states that those who are alcohol and drug dependent are using substances to soothe feelings of anxiety, anger, or depression (Coombs & Howatt, 2005). Young adults vulnerable to addiction use alcohol and drugs as a source of mood-management that provides temporary relief. However, this temporary relief actually denies them access to their own emotions and prevents them from developing self-awareness (Dayton, 2000). Studies show that students who report higher levels of emotional distress go on to have the highest rate of substance abuse (Goleman, 1995). Emotional Intelligence is the ability to use emotion to manage our moods in healthy ways, develop self-awareness and understand how others are feeling. Teaching young adults how to increase their Emotional Intelligence helps them avoid the pitfalls of substance abuse and end the cycle of addiction.

In his ground-breaking bestseller, “Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ” Daniel Goleman (1995) argued that Emotional Intelligence is the strongest indicator of human success. Emotions help us make quick decisions when we do not have time to analyze all the facts. Several studies have shown that people with high Emotional Intelligence scores have decreased probability of violence and criminal activity and increased mental health, job performance, academic achievement and overall life satisfaction (Goleman, 1995). Luckily, Emotional Intelligence competencies can be significantly improved and these improvements are sustainable over time(Goleman, Boyatzis, & McKee, A. 2002).

In her book “Emotional Sobriety,” Tian Dayton, Ph.D. (2007) describes a holistic approach to Emotional Intelligence and recovery including healthy self-soothing, the experience of pleasure, and support groups such as Twelve-step programs. One of the first developmental tasks that young adults in treatment need to learn is self-soothing or self-regulating. They need to develop strategies to calm down, relax and restore balance to their body and mind using activities such as exercise, yoga, meditation, journaling, and spending time in nature. These activities activate a “natural high” in young adults so that they can gradually become less dependent on substances to artificially achieve high or calm feelings. Another piece of the puzzle for young adult treatment is activating feel-good body chemicals through play, laughter and creativity. Humor, creative expression and being playful help to develop positive emotion, alleviate boredom, release tension and prevent aggression.

Forgiveness and making amends, as taught in Twelve-step programs, is critical to relapse prevention. Those most vulnerable to addiction use alcohol and drugs as way to run away from pain and uncomfortable feelings. Twelve-step programs have very good strategies for teaching young adults to tolerate not only painful emotions but joyful ones as well. Support groups help young adults develop inner and outer resources to manage stress and build emotional resilience.

As the Academic Director at Sober College, I work with hundreds of young adult addicts in recovery. We have integrated educational courses and activities throughout the curriculum to increase the Emotional Intelligence of students and improve their chances for success when they leave treatment. As each student enters our program, we measure their level of Emotional Intelligence using an online assessment tool and we use the results of the assessment to set treatment goals. The clinical staff uses the information from the assessment to inform the work they do in individual and group therapy and program staff use it as a basis for discussion during the Emotional Intelligence activities. Some of the activities that we use to develop Emotional Intelligence include rock climbing, surfing, wind tunnel (simulated skydiving), trapeze, Parachuting, and visits to places such as the Museum of Tolerance, the Getty Center, and participation in panels held at local High Schools. These activities not only serve to treat the disease of addiction but they are also lots of fun. I believe that it is important for young adults to have fun in recovery so that they develop life-long interests that substitute their unhealthy habits.

In addition, we have a full Creative Arts Program which includes music, dance, drama, yoga, meditation, painting, and film. Creativity gives students the ability to understand and express what they are feeling. Our Family Program which addresses deeper family and relational issues is very helpful in processing emotions and developing healthy emotional intimacy. We have also developed a 3 credit online course which will provide college credits to students as they participate in the Emotional Intelligence activities and reflect on their experience. The course will deliver the Emotional Intelligence assessment at both the beginning and end of the course so that we can track the progress and measure the development of the student’s emotional competencies. This and other courses will also be available through our online school Sober College University for treatment professionals, individuals in recovery and anyone interested in increasing their Emotional Intelligence as well as learning about other recovery topics.

Recovery is an ongoing process. We are always changing and growing. Emotional intelligence is built a day at a time from the fortitude we develop by learning to tolerate and manage the power of our emotions. When we learn to process and understand our emotions, instead of run from them, our inner world becomes much less complicated, much more peaceful. We have more energy to devote to things like life passions, relationships and having fun. There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ solution for young adults in treatment but full recovery from any disease, including addiction, is available to us. It requires healing on all levels: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. It requires creative interventions, solutions and life style changes that are long-term and permanent. If young adults are willing to make a sincere commitment to recovery, they will be rewarded each step of the way.

Coombs, R.H. & Howatt, W.A. (2005) The addiction counselor’s desk reference. New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Dayton, T. (2007). Emotional sobriety: from relationship trauma to resilience and balance. Florida: Health Communications, Inc.
Dayton, T. (2000). Trauma and addiction: ending the cycle of pain through emotional literacy. Florida: Health Communications, Inc.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books
Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2002). Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.

Yoga is My Prayer

His hands cradle my rib cage with a pressure so light that I feel I am made of porcelain. He waits for the breath. My lungs fill. Time is suspended. My lungs empty. He guides my torso to the left. Again the breath. Inhale. I worry that my scent will repulse him. Exhale. He winds me tighter. More breath. Inhale. He is waiting with his palms holding me, his foot pressed against mine for balance. Exhale. I surrender to his hands, sculpting me into the perfect posture. Inhale. This is the last one. He is going to take me somewhere I can’t go on my own. Exhale. Twisssst. There it is. My edge. Please don’t let me fall. He unwinds me and draws his hands away so subtly that I can barely feel them leave my body.

Downward dog. I clench my mat with sticky fingers. Tighten my quads. Reach with my heels. Chaturanga dandasana. I hover over my wrists. Squeeze my shoulder blades back. Press my palms into the floor. Upward dog. I lift my chin, my heart, my chest. Downward dog. I pull in my belly. Lift my tailbone. Ground my toes.

My ear follows him around the room. He is holding her leg over his shoulder. He’s adjusting the man’s ankle and knee. Each body a unique configuration. Each touch an invitation to express the most divine alignment residing in each form. The lines get longer. The breath gets deeper. The muscles get tighter. The walls expand and contract with the breath.

I can hear the heavy breathing of the man next to me. Sweat like raindrops falling to the mat. He pushes through any force that might be luring him into laziness. There is a fighter inside if him. He follows the same voice that led us all here. A longing for the light. A quest for the Holy Grail.

Reach forward. Hands to floor. Left leg up. Balance.
Put your nose to your knee.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Hold your ankle.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Tighten your thigh. Point your foot. Inhale.
Exhale.
I’m not doing the pose. The pose is doing me.

I feel the animal instinct that settles into this inversion like a cat stretching her paws back to meet her tail. I know this position. I’ve been here a thousand times before. I’ve lived here. I’ve cried here. I’ve bled here. I’ve died here. I’ve been reborn here. I’ve survived here. Downward facing dog.

He passes by me. I can feel him more than I can see him. I wonder if he is going to put his palm on my sacrum and push me deeper into the stretch. He doesn’t have to. Just the thought of him doing it to me makes me do it to myself.

Chaturanga dandasana.

I didn’t know these words until a few months ago. Now I hear them like commands, like friends, like markers that tell me exactly where I need to be.
Child’s pose. Rest there. Inhale. Exhale.
Plank pose. Fight there. Surrender there. Inhale. Exhale.
Up Dog. Open there. Melt there.
Down Dog. Reside there. Live there.

The ambient music rolls over into chanting. He reaches for the thick curtains and pulls them across the massive windows to block out the peeping sun. The nighttime light, the candlelit altar, the deepening of his voice leads me down into the most intimate place of my being.

He is counting the breaths.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
His voice penetrates me so deeply I can no longer feel my body.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
I could live on the sound of his voice alone.
Nine.
Ten.
Eleven.
Twelve.
I’ll never breathe again if I can just take his sound home with me.
Release.

Tears start to paint a trail of moist heat down the sides of my face.
I am so in love.
I am so in love.
I am so in love.
There are no people, no mats, no sweat, no altar, no curtains, no crying, there is only love.

Shiva shiva shiva shiva OM.
Shiva shiva shiva shiva OM.
Shiva shiva shiva shiva OM.
Shiva shiva shiva shiva OM.

We stumble through the Sanskrit awkward and off-key but earnest in our efforts.
We all want to get it right.
We all want to sing our way through the magic door.
We all want to ride the notes to the buried treasure.
We are kinsman.
We are travelers on the same path.
We are sitting still, going nowhere.

I have a vision of sitting up there with him. Teaching instead of learning. Giving instead of receiving.
They could follow us.
We could lead them.

AUMMMMM
Namaste, he says, and bows forward, forehead to the floor.

The courage and intelligence it takes to be humble – the gesture fills me with respect.
A man who knows how to bow, is a man who knows how to live.

I open my eyes and the stained-glass window is illuminated in an ornate smile. The pink, blue and gold swirls turning up the corner of their mouths as if to say: Happiness is here!
The window is smiling at me. How lucky I am to see the window smiling at me.

Curtains part again. Dusk rushes in. People collect their things. Hot air leaves through the open door as cold air saunters in.
Inhale. Exhale.
Right foot on the floor.
Left foot on the floor.

Tadasana.

A Practical Approach to Meditation

My first meditation experience happened in New York City at a Zen Center in 1998.  I had lost my mother about two years prior and I was still deeply sad and totally confused about what happens when we die.  I wasn’t satisfied with the explanation that “we go to heaven” which I learned at Catholic school.  Nor was I content with the psychological blanket and anti-depressants that my therapist offered.  I wanted serenity, clarity, and understanding that resonated with my personal experience and gave me tools that I could use to heal myself.

Sitting in a dark studio, facing the wall, watching my mind, and being terrified of the monk pacing behind me with a stick (used to hit people who were falling asleep) was neither enlightening nor comforting.  Determined, however, to discover the secrets of this ancient practice, I kept searching for teachers and methods that would meet my needs.

Over the course of the last 16 years, I followed this longing to ashrams, yoga centers, universities, and exotic locations like India and Tibet.   With each course, each teacher, each session, I learn a little bit more about the infinite depths of meditation.  My relationship to meditation as well as my understanding about the practice have transformed repeatedly like an ever-changing kaleidoscope revealing new insights and dimensions that continue to inspire awe and wonder on a daily basis.

I never get bored with meditation. I never think that I could be doing something “better” or more “productive” with my time.  Mediation yields such positive results which impact all aspects of my life — that I firmly believe in continuing to explore and indulge in it.

For the past few years, I have been teaching meditation to undergraduate and graduate students.  Most of them are on the beginning of their journey and are as lost and confused as I was when I was staring at the wall in the Zen Center in New York.  I try to synthesize what I have learned on my journey and offer it to them as guidance – a loose map of the territory.  Of course, no two paths will be the same, but maybe they can learn from some of the wisdom and insight that I have collected.

Firstly, I encourage my students to find teachers and practices that inspire them.  There are as many kinds of meditations as there are kinds of music or art or automobiles. There are practices to reduce stress, improve concentration, explore higher consciousness, connect to spiritual deities and gurus.  Not all practices will work for everyone.  While it is unproductive to keep shopping for a lifetime in the marketplace of meditation, it is beneficial to try several kinds of meditation until you find the one that fits.   For me, I love Kundalini Yoga meditations, Buddhist meditations and Mindfulness meditations.  I find that Kundalini clears out mental blocks and subconscious obstacles, Buddhist practices increase my sense of devotion and loving-kindness, and mindfulness practices keep me grounded and present in the moment.  Other forms of meditation include Zen, Transcendental, Insight, QI Gong, Guided Visualization and so on.

The next thing to consider is how you track your progress and measure your success with the practice.   It may a great feeling to be spacing out and daydreaming of lotus flowers during your meditation, but if you maintain the same destructive emotions and bad habits when you are off the cushion, then you are not benefiting from the practice. Mediation should infuse your life with more serenity, awareness, kindness and reason.  It should increase your compassion for yourself and others.  This may not happen immediately – it may take months or years – but there should be some personal transformation if you are doing it correctly.  One way to track your progress is to keep a meditation journal and review it frequently to observe your progress.  Teachers can also provide great insight into your strengths and weaknesses as a practitioner.

A third observation that has been critical for me is integrating the practice into your life.  If you are doing meditation correctly, then it should become a way of life and not just an escape that you take for a few minutes, hours or days.  One of the common misconceptions about meditation is that it is just a form of relaxation.   Meditation can be relaxing but it is also hard work.  You are cultivating your mind so that you can be more adaptable, flexible and aware of the way that you interact with the world.  If you have a lot of aversion and distraction on the cushion, then you are probably experience the same qualities in your relationships or work environment. Meditation gives you an opportunity to learn about yourself so that you can make positive changes and grow as a person.

Finally, I think that it is vital that you trust yourself and your practice.  Self-doubt is a factor that plagues a lot of practitioners.  Am I doing it right?  Why do I feel so much emotion? Is this really working? and so on. During my sixteen years of practice, I have felt anger, anxiety, sadness, joy, happiness, restlessness, stillness, calmness, fatigue, transcendence and other kinds of feelings.   Meditation is a full-body experience.  It impacts your thoughts, emotions, energy, worldview and more. The inner world is as vast as the galaxy and there is much to explore.  Like any journey, there will be euphoric experiences and devastating ones.  When you discover that you have been carrying a lot of negativity, you may feel self-judgement or condemnation.  You may also feel waves of pride when you quiet your mind and connect to the oneness of the world.  Don’t get attached to any of it — ride the waves like the rising and falling of the breath. The less reactive you can be, the more you will experience the equanimity of accepting reality as it is, and being at peace with whatever is happening.

I recently completed a 90-day mindfulness meditation training and a 10-day silent retreat.  In a few short months, I did more than 200 hours of meditation.  My family and friends had dramatic reactions to my practice such as: why did you do that? how did you survive? what’s the point of doing that?  and so on.  I shared with them how much it nourished me and inspired me.  I encouraged them, just as I assure my students, that meditation is a healthy, beautiful practice   with infinite possibilities for growth and transformation.  Not everyone will dedicate as much time and energy to meditation as me, but even if you dedicate yourself to 10 minutes a day, you will see positive changes that permeate all aspects of your life.  Your problems will seem smaller, your gratitude will expand and your capacity for loving all the contradictions of the world will grow. I found so much more on this path than I expected back in the summer of 1998.  And I can only imagine what the future holds.